In Epic Revenge, Bats Infect Ozzy Osbourne

Sometimes the future is what happens when the past comes back to bite you in the ass after 40 years.

In concerning news, 73-year-old rocker Ozzy Osbourne tested positive for COVID-19 this week, meaning the Black Sabbath frontman and self-styled devil worshipper who once accidentally bit the head off a live bat on stage is now infected with a virus that some experts say may have originated in bats before making the animal-to-human transition.

Ozzy's wife, Sharon Osbourne, told Rolling Stone Friday that she was concerned for her husband but optimistic he'd pull through soon.

"We’re gonna get him a negative test by next week," the sometimes-talk show host told the music outlet.

Osbourne previously credited worshipping Satan for not getting COVID prior to now. While has hasn't said anything on Twitter about which paranormal figures are helping him through his current illness, he has been relatively active in the NFT space, as evidenced by his recent tweet with a CryptoBatz carving pictured below.

Osbourne did manage to swindle cryptocurrency and NFT investors out of thousands of dollars on accident — much like the time exactly 40 years ago that he thought a fan threw him a rubber bat on stage and ripped its head off with his teeth only to find it had, until the moment prior at least, been alive.

While Osbourne's foray into NFTs is pretty questionable and we love the epic tale of a maniacal bat who gave humans COVID-19 to get revenge for an ancestor, that's at least probably not what happened.

We wish the Prince of Darkness a swift and complete recovery.

More on pandemic news: Dr. Fauci Says the "Pandemic Phase" of COVID Is Over, Then Says Pandemic Is Actually Still Happening