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Sci-Fi Visions

SHOCKER: Cambridge Analytica Is Shutting Down. Lol.

We can't believe it. REALLY.

Guys. Did you read the news today? Cambridge Analytica is shutting down.

Looks like an incoming flood tide of legal fees forced the company to shut its doors, effective immediately. Freaking Mark Zuckerberg, am I right?

We, at least, are SHOCKED. Appalled. Really. Could not be more surprised.

Quick refresher, if there’s any chance you haven’t heard of Cambridge Analytica: back in the middle of March the we learned that the company was granted permission to access Facebook user data, but took advantage of that, ultimately stealing information from some 87 million Facebook users. They used the data to create detailed psychological profiles of users, which they sold in an effort to swing democratic elections, including the 2016 presidential election.

Other companies have suffered, of course. Mark Zuckerberg had to lug his cogs to Washington to testify before Congress and is currently in the process of distracting the world with a bunch of software updates, and hollow-sounding apologies.

Poor little Cambridge Analytica did the best it could to stay on course in this massive shitstorm. But its plans to launch an initial coin offering (ICO) for a cryptocurrency that allowed you to sell your online data yourself? Hopelessly dashed. Truly a travesty.

In truth, Cambridge Analytica didn’t see much revenue rolling in since the 2016 election, according to the Wall Street Journal. Not a single U.S. federal political client since then. Do you think they got spooked by the backlash? Maybe no one is doing politics anymore? Honestly, if we could figure it out, we’d tell you.

Employees have reportedly been asked to return their computers and clean up their desks. To them, we have some advice: maybe erase “Cambridge Analytica” from your resume.

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