"I'm in checkmark purgatory."
They say "don't meet your heroes," but what's even worse? When your hero buys Twitter, forces you and others to start paying eight dollars per month for a blue check that doesn't actually verify your identity, and then doesn't even appear on your profile for fake clout.
This, readers, is the tale of Tesla superfan Steven Mark Ryan, who claims to have found himself in this exact nightmare scenario. The digital creator and apparent Elon Musk disciple took to the app earlier this week to speak his blue check woes to the billionaire.
"It is currently less solid than my lost boner after viewing Bill Gates' pregnant man emoji impersonation," wrote Ryan, who's clearly very fluent in Musk lore. "I'm in checkmark purgatory."
"I upgraded on iOS (Australia) on first day," he continued, "and the only person on earth who can see the check mark is me, and only when on my iOS device."
Musk, always a kind lord to his adoring enthusiasts, responded apologetically.
"My apologies, this will be fixed within a week," the SpaceX and Tesla CEO wrote back, "two at most."
Aw. That in mind, though, we would advise that Ryan take this promise with a heavy grain of salt. Musk rarely keeps timeline promises, and as he told CBS News the other day, he has "too much" work on his plate right now. There's also the reality that the Saga of the Blue Check has been chaotic across the board, and lonely clout chasers aside, there are a lot of serious problems that Musk's "power to the people" verification system has to address if it might one day indeed be, as Musk has promised, "rock solid."
In any case, our thoughts go out to this man and his lonely checkmark. We hope he gets his money's worth eventually.
More on the blue checks: Elon Musk's Checkmarks Backfire Spectacularly When They're Immediately Used to Impersonate People