We absolutely did not have this one on our 2022 bingo cards.

Sim Glitch

Sometimes it feels like our overlords are phoning it in with the stuff they're programming into our simulation.

Exhibit A: Former UFC color commentator turned "Fear Factor" host turned notoriously dubious podcaster Joe Rogan is now offering to help Tesla and SpaceX CEO Elon Musk train so that he can fulfill his goal of kicking Russian President Vladimir Putin's ass, presumably in retaliation for the latter's invasion of Ukraine.

No, this isn't the world's dumbest round of "Cards Against Humanity" — it's actually something the Rogan said on a recent episode of his podcast, "The Joe Rogan Experience," in response to Musk challenging Putin to single-hand combat earlier in March.

"I offered my services," Rogan told his guest, Aussie comedian Monty Franklin. "I texted him. I said, 'Dude I will arrange all of your training.' 'If you really do fight Putin,' I said, 'I will arrange all your training,'"

"It would be so fucking epic," Rogan added.

Rogan also referenced Musk's claim that he'd fought and "managed to throw" a Sumo wrestler, which the Tesla CEO provided supposed visual evidence of on Twitter, though no one could confirm or deny the veracity of the photo.

Pissing Contest

Though it's been more than a year since the last time the SpaceX founder went on Rogan's show, the pair have been friendly in the past, with the host's studio setting the backdrop for the most famous Musk meme, featuring the now-world's-richest man smoking a blunt.

Rogan went on to call Musk a "strange character" who he thinks could take Putin, because he stands significantly taller than the Russian president at 6'2".

"First of all, he's a very big man. He's not small. And Putin is smaller than me," Rogan said, referring to the Russian leader being one inch shorter than his 5'8" stature. "Elon is quite a bit bigger than him."

The whole thing, naturally, stinks of toxic masculinity — but if we had to place bets, it would be a pretty tough call, to be honest.

More on the Musk/Putin beef: Russian Space Chief Responds to Elon Musk’s Challenge to Fight Putin

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