Before Elon Musk became the unelected czar of government spending, he had it made. His corporate holdings made him richer than anyone else on the planet, he got to date celebrities, and he had so many kids that their exact count was a bit hazy.
Today he still has all that stuff, though he now has to suffer the indignity of something that actual elected leaders learn to deal with one day one: negative feedback.
Since the tech magnate's star child, Tesla, started going belly up, the billionaire's skin has become thinner than ever, making him prone to wild rants about how mistreated he is on his personal social media platform, X-formerly-Twitter.
His latest invective came amidst yet another stock slump for the EV company, as sales woes worsen and protests against Musk in the form of Tesla vandalism become a near-constant phenomenon.
"My companies make great products that people love and I’ve never physically hurt anyone," Musk complained this week, in suspicious detail. "So why the hate and violence against me?"
There might be plenty of hate flying around lately as Musk takes an axe to critical social infrastructure, but as far as we're aware, no one has come close to ever physically harming the billionaire crybaby, making part of his rhetorical question tough to answer.
Not to worry — he immediately did it himself: "Because I am a deadly threat to the woke mind parasite and the humans it controls."
As always, Musk reply-guys were quick to jump to their overlord's aid.
"We didn't hate Hitler because he made a stiff arm salute, we hated him because he murdered millions of people and tried to eradicate an entire race," one posted, referencing the shine Musk's taken to the straight-armed salute made infamous by Adolf Hitler.
"Exactly," Musk replied.
Examining Musk's claim that he's never hurt anyone could take days, so we'll leave it at this: it takes some gall coming from a guy whose fortune comes from brutal resource extraction throughout the world. That's not to mention Starlink's raining satellites, SpaceX's environmental atrocities, or the fact that DOGE funding cuts have already started to kill a lot of the world's most desperate people.
For now, it seems Musk must continue to endure the daily horror of the most luxurious life imaginable. You know what they say: it's lonely at the top.
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