SpaceX CEO Elon Musk admitted this week that the space tourists on board the Inspiration4 mission had a bit of trouble with the toilet.
The news clearly has not gone unnoticed by Tushy, a popular bidet attachment company.
“Elon Musk, let us put a TUSHY bidet on the spaceship,” the company suggested in a Wednesday evening tweet, accompanied by a simplistic sketch of what such a device might look like.
The diagram shows a cushioned seat with a retractable bidet attachment coming out of it, labeled as the “Tushy Ass Blast 9000.” Two “Butt Blades” then suck up the excess floating droplets of poo water. A “Robo Sphincter” and “Slurp Chamber” then take care of the waste.
It’s a hilariously crude vision — and judging by the tone of the accompanying statement, Tushy appears to be reveling in some good old fashioned bathroom humor.
“We heard you had some potty problems on the SpaceX Inspiration4 orbital mission,” reads a tongue-in-cheek press release. “We sincerely recognize the gravity of this situation. Seriously, skid marks in a space suit isn’t a good look. We really wouldn’t want to be SpaceX’s dry cleaner.”
“The Crew Dragon toilet supposedly has one hell of a view, but getting a front-row seat to the galaxy shouldn’t be overshadowed by having a dirty butt,” the statement continues. “Let us put a bidet on your spaceship and really keep that shit clean.”
But the Tushy Ass Blast 9000 may be more real than the company is letting on. Futurism reached out to the company’s founder, Miki Agrawal, who told us that the company has thought through the dangers of contaminated droplets floating around the cabin in microgravity.
“In our initial design, the TUSHY Ass Blast 9000 is positioned so close to the butthole, spraying with such powerful force, followed by state-of-the-art vacuum hose to recover the water used,” Agrawal told us. “Our engineers have discussed a water filtration system to ensure it’s as hygienic as possible.”
Why use a bidet in space when toilet paper and wipes are readily available to astronauts? Agrawal claims that using dry toilet paper “is not only ineffective but exacerbates chronic health issues like UTIs, hemorrhoids and yeast infections.”
She also made a connection to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, pointing out research showing that pathogens can be spread through fecal matter.
“It’s more top of mind to be clean everywhere, especially the dirtiest part of our body,” she told Futurism. “We would not want people infecting each other in space either.”