Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably noticed that AI's being crammed everywhere. From Taco Bell drivethrus to eye glasses to schools, the AI boom is forcing the tech anywhere it can fit.
That means it'll also be in your toilet soon, at least if one tech startup has its way.
Based out of — where else — Austin, Throne is a bold new startup leveraging AI to revolutionize the way we interact with our toilet. The new company just raised $4 million in venture capitalist funds, courting some angel investors like famed bicycle doper Lance Armstrong, according to TechCrunch.
By now you might have some questions: why do I need AI in my toilet? Four million dollars? Lance Armstrong!?
Relax. You'll give yourself an ulcer. Luckily, Throne can help.
At its core, Throne is a toilet-mounted camera that pairs with your phone to analyze your ones and twos. "It’s time to stop flushing away valuable data," as Throne's website greets.
Throne proports to help health-conscious users monitor all kinds of important metrics from your waste, such as your "personalized Urinary Flow Score," which it tracks by listening "to the rhythm of your stream... [and turning] those sounds into easy-to-read trends."
Other metrics include users' "Digestive Pattern," which it categorizes by "hard, healthy, loose, and liquid," as well as a urine "Hydration Score," which it tracks in real-time, "empowering you to stay hydrated, one insight at a time."
And apartment dwellers who share a bathroom, don't worry — Throne's for you too. "Just set up individual profiles in our app," the startup's website advises, "and thanks to Bluetooth, Throne knows exactly who's who." What a relief!
That goes both ways. Say your awful house guest decides to leave you a floater. Unless they've set up a personal profile and connected to your toilet via Bluetooth, Throne's state-of-the-art AI is trained to ignore it.
Users can currently pre-order Throne for just $399, plus a $5.99 recurring monthly fee.
One can imagine many ways tech like this could come in handy. If it works as its website advertises — and that's a big if, given the growing landfill of failed AI devices — it could certainly help folks with issues like Crohn's disease or liver problems.
TC, for example, tells the story of Throne's founders lurking outside Armstrong's bathroom as he "used" a prototype. Armstrong, the former Tour de France winner, has since been diagnosed with testicular cancer. Some cancers can be detected through changes in urinary habits, the American Cancer Society notes, which probably explains why Armstrong felt compelled to cut Throne a check.
Still, as Throne's uncanny ad-copy intones, the startup also represents a perfidious trend in healthcare, where buzzy tech gadgets snatch millions of dollars from wealthy investors while deep structural problems go unaddressed.
Throne has the added quality of feeding into a frenzied wellness culture, where similar tracking gadgets help feed an unhealthy obsession with monitoring every possible thing our bodies do.
We'll let Lance take this one.
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