As swagless as swagless could be.
Extremely Quiet Luxury
If you haven't seen Amazon founder Jeff Bezos' Coachella fit yet, maybe stop scrolling. Save yourself. It's scarring.
Bezos and his girlfriend, alive girl Lauren Sánchez, took to the influencer-laden festival scene last weekend, flanked by their couple friends, momager Kris Jenner and her boyfriend, Corey Gamble. You'd think that with a current net worth of $114 billion, the world's richest man might have had a little festival swag to show for it. But somehow, even with all that money, the space tourism entrepreneur managed to step out at the festival looking like he'd made a pit stop at a Forever 21 sales rack on the way in.
Truly, the outfit — which gives off an unfortunate "yes, I am youthful" energy — is just abysmal vibes. First of all, Bezos made the choice to rock some distressed jeans — presumably pre-distressed, considering that the guy isn't big on manual labor. And don't even get us started on the sneakers.
Then, of course, there's the true star of the show: his unbuttoned butterfly shirt, which according to a bit of internet sleuthery, strongly appears to be a $12 Amazon Fashion find.
Oof. As far as billboards go, this is a tough one.
why is nobody talking about the jeff bezos coachella outfit. did i miss the discussion pic.twitter.com/fauG0l3Wq2
— SLUG (@generalslug) April 26, 2023
Fastest of Fashion
As a disclaimer: we're not saying that you need to have or spend a lot of money to look cool. But some people are simply born with a certain swaglessness that no amount of cash can rectify, and Bezos' fast fashion fit is definitely a case study in "money can't buy style."
That said, regarding the fast fashion of it all, it's worth noting that Bezos' divorcedcore fit really looks every stitch of the highly-polluting, low-quality, underpaid-labor-intensive clothing that rules Amazon's marketplace. The fact that the person wearing it is worth billions — and made those billions by way of, well, hawking mostly highly-polluting, low-quality products via underpaid and overworked laborers — only makes the quality stand out a little bit more.
Anyway. We never thought we'd say this, but: Mr. Bezos, please bring back the cowboy-hat-slash-crotch-suit fit. It was better.
More on Bezos' eye for design: No, the Scale Model of Blue Origin's Rocket Is Not an Operable Dildo
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