One ER doctor has issued a public service announcement nobody knew we needed: that titanium cock rings are, in fact, bad.
Let's back up. Cock rings — we apologize, but that's the official term — are devices that restrict blood flow from a penis, usually to help maintain erections. And according to tweets from emergency room physician Dr. Alana Kinrich, the process of removing a titanium cock ring is extraordinarily difficult, even with hospital-grade equipment.
"If you come to the ER with a titanium cock ring that you cannot get off, our ring cutters are not sharp/strong enough to cut it," Kinrich warned, adding that such a visit "will result in us having to call the fire department to get their diamond saw."
"This is a very undesired experience for everyone involved," she concluded, in what may be the biggest understatement of the year so far.
Kinrich's PSA was predicated on another purported emergency room physician post decrying titanium jewelry generally, which has become a popular ornamental metal because of its vivid coloration and supposedly hypoallergenic nature.
That prior post said that titanium and stainless steel rings "seem cool until you can't get them off," and in a followup tweet suggested people go with tungsten instead, which "is very hard but brittle" and "shatters either with pressure or with a hammer in case of emergency."
Kinrich added in her own thread that there's an easy failsafe to avoid having to use firefighter diamond saws: either making sure one's cock ring has a hinge mechanism or, preferably, just get a non-metal one.
She also added that folks should never "use household items" for sexual purposes, in response yet an interlocutor who noted that people shouldn't put lightbulbs, um, where the sun don't shine.
"Unbreakable and with a flared base for anal play, please," Kinrich declared. "There are so many good toys out there."
More on terrible dick ideas: Man Horribly Injures Penis After Injecting It With Insulation Foam