Please make it stop!

Rock Is Dead

We take no pleasure in bringing you this news. In fact, we wish we didn't know ourselves. But the cursed rumors are true, and we're duty bound to inform you that the Winklevoss twins, Cameron and Tyler, are indeed in a band, as footage of the twins tunelessly and unironically covering "Don't Stop Believin'" has confirmed.

A quick glance at social media tells us that their band, called Mars Junction, isn't a secret side project. It seems that the Winklevii — former Olympic rowers, friends-turned-adversaries of Mark Zuckerberg (as portrayed by Armie Hammer in The Social Network), and billionaire founders of cryptocurrency and NFT startup Gemini — definitely want you to know about their "hard-hitting rock band," as Mars Junction is self-described in each of their Instagram bios, each of their Twitter bios, and across the band's multiple social media accounts, which include Instagram, Twitter, and Tiktok.

Notably, they do not have a Facebook page.

Tyler is lead vocals, Cameron jams out beside him on lead guitar. Are they good? Well, we're not music critics, so we'll let you decide for yourself.

Gemini Woes

The towering Mars Junction bandmates were fairly early to the crypto game, launching Gemini in 2014. Digital currency and NFT sales turned them into billionaires, though their personal wealth and their company's viability have both been damaged by the ongoing bitcoin crash. Gemini recently cut 10 percent of its employees — who, for some reason, they call "astronauts" — in response to the market drop-off.

"Today is a tough day, but one that will make Gemini better over the long run," the Winklevii wrote in a message to their astronauts when the layoffs were announced. "Constraint is the mother of innovation and difficult times are a forcing function for focus, which is critical to the success of any startup."

Neither brother has tweeted about the cryptocurrency fallout, but they sure are letting the people know about Mars Junction. You know what they say: lose billions, start a band. Tour dates are in their Linktree.

More on the bitcoin crash: Class-Action Lawsuit Alleges Binance Misled Investores Over "Stablecoin"

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