Trump’s Top Pick for Health Secretary Being Investigating for Mutilating Dead Animal

Confirmed krill.

Whale Trail

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. may end up getting tapped to run the US Department of Health and Human Services if Donald Trump is elected president — but first, he's got some explaining to do about all those weird animal stories.

In a statement to CNN, a spokesperson for the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) confirmed that the Kennedy failson is indeed the subject of a probe concerning an incident involving a whale, a chainsaw, and a trip from Cape Cod to New York decades ago.

Around the time Kennedy suspended his independent presidential bid and bent the knee to Trump, the upsetting anecdote told by his daughter Kathleen to Town & Country magazine back in 2012 resurfaced.

In the interview, the younger Kennedy known as "Kick" recalled her dad sawing off the head of a dead whale that had washed up near the storied family's compound in Hyannis Port and hauling it back to their other home in Mount Kisco, New York.

Told as a feel-good illustration of RFK Jr.'s "eccentric environmentalism" that took place during the daughter's childhood in the early 1990s, the resuscitated story took on new life amid Kennedy's bizarre return to the spotlight.

Letter Be

Though the story had died in the wake of the fast-paced news cycle surrounding this year's election, the onetime presidential candidate who's now stumping for Trump said during a campaign rally event over the weekend that the National Marine Fisheries Services, which falls under the NOAA's purview, sent him a letter "saying they were investigating me for collecting a whale specimen 20 years ago."

As a note: it seems Kennedy got the date wrong by about 10 years, given that the 36-year-old Kick said she was six years old when the incident occurred, placing the incident around the year 1994.

"This is all about the weaponization of our government against political opponents," Kennedy continued, later adding that he believed he'd be covered by the statute of limitations on the alleged decapitation.

Notably, the 70-year-old firebrand does not deny Kick's story, and said he responded to the NOAA's letter with one of his own that accused the agency of decimating marine wildlife populations with "giant offshore wind farms off the East Coast."

Between the brain worm, the bear cub, and now the whale, RFK Jr.'s greatest hits sound more like a Lewis Carroll allegory than a candidate's scandals — and perhaps going forward, they can be treated as a parable about who not to choose for a cabinet position.

More on the Kennedy that couldn't: RFK Jr. Says He Constantly Gets Fooled by Fake AI Content