CEOs making sane financial decisions!

Alright Alright Alright

Salesforce, the cloud-based "customer relationship management" software colossus co-helmed by the definitely-not-Hawaiian Marc Benioff, is the latest in a slew of tech giants to lay off thousands of employees, The Wall Street Journal reports.

Per the WSJ, the company will be letting go of 8,000 members from its massive workforce, formerly referred to by Benioff — who, again, is definitely not Hawaiian — as the "Salesforce ohana," ohana being the Hawaiian name for "family." (Salesforce stepped away from using that and other Hawaiian terminology and practices back in 2019 due to cultural appropriation concerns.)

"It's an unfortunate part that you have to say goodbye to folks who, in many cases, are your friends and you have relationships with," Benioff, an original co-founder of the firm, told the WSJ. "But, ultimately, the success of the business has to be paramount."

A fair point, at least on the surface. Present-day Silicon Valley, which had previously enjoyed a decade of relatively non-stop growth and endless employee perks, is now attempting to grapple with post-pandemic slowdowns as well as a rapidly changing industry landscape. But Benioff's woes are a bit... different.

At Salesforce, massive amounts of company resources seem to be going to exceedingly peculiar places, including — but certainly not limited to — actor Matthew McConaughey's pockets. According to the WSJ, the Hollywood star was being paid $10 million per year to be a "creative adviser and TV pitchman" for the firm.

A sane financial decision to make for a $160 billion dollar company, we're sure.

Boom Boom Pow

It's been no secret that McConaughey has close ties to the firm — he's spoken at Salesforce events, attended company meetings (accompanied at times by Black Eyed Pea William "" Adams), and has even appeared in the outfit's Super Bowl commercials.

But having celebrity ambassadors is one thing; as a company insider told The Financial Times back in January, Benioff "frequently involved" his celebrity pals in "strategy discussions," even granting them a seat at "high-level corporate discussions." And while we're sure McConaughey is a smart enough guy, if mass layoffs were in order, we simply can't fathom that his brainstorming sessions were worth $10 million annually.

Paying McConaughey millions to hang out isn't the only Salesforce issue. The still-not-Hawaiian Benioff is well-known for lavishing his employees with wild perks, which included hosting wildly expensive celebrity-headlined conferences and opulent wellness retreats.

In any case, our thoughts are with the laid-off Salesforcers. Things will one day be alright, alright, alright.

READ MORE: At Marc Benioff'S Salesforce, It's One Big Family—Until Trouble Hits [The Wall Street Journal]

More on tech layoffs: Big Tech Announced More than 45,000 Layoffs in Recent Months

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