Trump Is Apparently Raging About His Embarrassing Birthday Parade

"He kind of reamed out Hegseth for this."

President Donald Trump spent $45 million in taxpayer dollars to throw himself a huge birthday parade — and now, he's apparently mad at everyone involved for not making it more fabulous.

In an interview with the Daily Beast, Trump biographer Michael Wolff revealed that the president was none too pleased with the underwhelming pomp that marked the 250th anniversary of the Army — and, perhaps just as importantly in his mind, his birthday.

Known as much for his cultivation of insider sources as for being an unreliable narrator, Wolff's 2018 book "Fire and Fury" documented Trump's outrageous first year in the White House with aplomb and — according to some critics — a non-trivial amount of creative license. As such, we have to take what he says with a grain of salt — but given all the outrageous things this president has done and said in public, it's impossible to throw any of the biographer's claims out the window wholesale.

Take, for instance, Wolff's retelling of how Trump reacted to the jovial soldiers who marched through the streets of Washington, DC during the president's long-awaited military parade.

"He’s p*ssed off at the soldiers," the writer told the Beast. "He’s accusing them of hamming it up, and by that, he seems to mean that they were having a good time, that they were waving, that they were enjoying themselves and showing a convivial face rather than a military face."

There is, infamously, little love lost between Trump and the military. A few months before the presidential election he lost in 2020, the billionaire was quoted in The Atlantic as referring to fallen troops as "suckers" and "losers" — an alleged comment that was corroborated by John Kelly, a retired Marine general who served as Trump's longtime chief of staff during his first term.

The optics of the parade were dodgy in other ways that likely got under Trump's image-sensitive skin: one viral video showed a procession of audibly squeaky and old-fashioned-looking tanks that evoked anything but overwhelming military strength.

When looking for someone to blame for the insufficient fanfare, the president apparently turned to Pete Hegseth, a former Fox News personality who was nominated as defense secretary this year even after allegations of financial mismanagement, sexual assault, and a debilitating drinking problem.

"He kind of reamed out Hegseth for this," Wolff told the Beast. "Apparently, there was a phone call, and he said to Hegseth, 'The tone was all wrong. Why was the tone wrong? Who staged this?'"

In an attempt to cover for the military's failure to please its dear leader, Trump reportedly told White House communications director Steven Cheung to put word out that 250,000 people attended — even though people who went to the event, per Wolff's account, said there were "maybe" 40,000 people at most.

Whether Trump would have to delegate such spin himself is anyone's guess, but there is some past precedent for him overblowing his DC events. His first inauguration in 2017 was so sparsely attended that it was visible from photos — and as The Guardian revealed more than 18 months later, the White House intervened to doctor crowd photos to make it appear more well-attended than it was.

In that long-ago instance, the White House cried "fake news" — and when responding to Wolff's latest claims, Trump's representative, Cheung, said pretty much the same thing, albeit it in comically colorful language.

"[Wolff] routinely fabricates stories originating from his sick and warped imagination," the White House communications director said, "only possible because he has a severe and debilitating case of 'Trump Derangement Syndrome' that has rotted his peanut-sized brain."

Cheung also called Wolff a "lying sack of sh*t" who has "been proven to be a fraud" — both epithets that could have come directly from the president's mouth.

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