The vibrations are coming from inside the space station film studio.
A film studio is being built in space — but that's not the only, erm, titillating aspect to this story.
While it's admittedly kinda cool that the company working with Tom Cruise to produce a movie filmed in space is, per CNBC and other outlets, planning to build an orbital film studio, what's more eye-catching about this story is company's rendering of what the studio will look like.
The "content creation studio," slated to be launched in 2024, is to be built by commercial space station builder Axiom Space and the British company Space Entertainment Enterprises — the same pairing behind Cruise's allegedly forthcoming space film.
It takes but a glance to notice that part of this X-shaped spacecraft rendering looks a hell of a lot like the Hitachi-made Magic Wand, beloved the world over for its masturbatory purposes and often half-jokingly called "the Cadillac of vibrators."
Space Entertainment Enterprise (S.E.E), the company co-producing Tom Cruise’s upcoming movie that will be shot in space, plan to launch a sports arena and production studio in space. pic.twitter.com/2IFMss7bvC
— Film Updates (@FilmUpdates) January 20, 2022
For those who have been living under a rock for the past 50 years, here's what the Magic Wand — often just referred to as a "Hitachi" or "Magic Wand" even though Hitachi dropped its brand name from the toy almost a decade ago — looks like:
Admittedly, the "massager" part of this forthcoming space studio is larger and more globular than the head of a Magic Wand, but the resemblance is truly uncanny, right down to the short cylindrical attachment at the end featured on both the wired and wireless models as well as the space studio.
Much like Cruise's career, the Magic Wand has a storied past. First trademarked by Hitachi in the late 1960s and marketed as a nonsexual massager, the wand became incredibly popular in the 70s and 80s after sex educator Betty Dodson used them in her masturbation workshops — and after one of her acolytes, Dell Williams, became inspired to start her own feminist sex toy shop after dealing with a creepy Macy's salesman when she went to go buy one of her own.
Since its explosion into pop culture in the late 20th century, the OG Magic Wand and its many imitators have become almost synonymous with the term "vibrator" due to its outrageous popularity.
Ok sure, whatever, it won't work but fine sure ok.
BUT CAN WE DISCUSS how their space station is apparently a hitachi magic wand that got glued to some lightsabers? https://t.co/L9xvDT5p2U
— Adam P. Knave (@adampknave) January 20, 2022
You have to wonder whether the artist who did this rendering of the space studio knew what they were doing — and especially if they would have recognized the irony of this story being attached to Cruise, a devout believer in a religion that's said to frown on masturbation. Or maybe the whole thing is just a space-brained marketing strategy.
Extrapolations aside, this rendering is either a hilarious oversight or an intentional troll — and either way, we're absolutely here for it.
More sexy space: We Need to Talk About Gay Sex in Space